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Pictures
040308 BIT Nite
Nite Out with Friends
Haidir's 21st
Karaoke with Friends
14 February 2009 with Friends

Thursday, August 6, 2009



please. dont mention this to my bf kay.
he doesnt know my blog and i rather not him know.

i cried.
yes. i cried.

im spring cleaning. getting a new cupboard to replace the old. and come across to old love letters from hamad. first, a folder filled with his love poems,songs and letters. i stared at it. my heart went weak. i felt like crying but held back my tears. moved on to clean some more junk. found more letters. i opened one. and another. and another. then, tears. just like that. i cried. for about 3 mins. then i stopped. coz fadzli still online with me. he's already upset with me for feeling like crying when i saw the notes (he made me promise not to read the letters but i cant help it!) and for still wearing the ring.


him: haiz...gonna read?
me: staring at it..
him: please dont...
me: so tempted.. =(
him: theres no point... will only make u feel sad, emo, cry. why... why are u still doing this....


when asked if he's bothered about what fahrul said abt me deserving a better guy,
he said: more bothered by the ex thingy...


him: please dont be angry. but y u stil wearing the ring...

told him why...

him: okay...
me: upset?
him: can i say yes...
me: be honest
him: yes...
me: what can i do to make u feel better? again, be honest
him: not wear it? its not like i'm not understanding or i'm easily jealous or wad. even eunice teguh u abt it... any guy would be upset. alrite, i'm any guy in this case...
me: hmm.. okay..


omg. whats freaking wrong with me??!
god. i feel like crying again. why god!? help me please.

maybe i need to go thru a lie detector test. i need to know my honest true feelings at this moment. its killing me! i want to move on but i cant!! even without reading the letters, im still doubting myself to be in a relationship. i lost hope.

i cant do this. im weak. i really am.


the end.